Man this week’s episode was a real tear-jerker. Once the tears started, they never went away. I’m still sniffling about it while I write this entry. It was quite a sad episode. The process of cleaning things up and seeing things like the stuff they had scheduled after someone passes is difficult and a reminder of the days that never come. And the sudden confrontation of harsh new reality was exactly what Asa found herself dealing with today.
All Asa wanted to do was graduate middle school without anyone knowing about the death of her parents. But unfortunately her friend’s mother called the school about it, and then next thing they knew everyone knows about it. This was Asa’s worse nightmare, because all she wanted was graduate like a normal student. She didn’t want to be remembered as the girl who no longer has parents.
It was being forced to confront this in such a public way that the recognition of her parents’ deaths seemed to have finally come crashing down onto her. Asa has been running on adrenaline for so long, but this week she came to realize just how much her life has changed.
After the mess that transpired at school, she skipped the graduation ceremony altogether and tried to return home— only to realize out of habit, she returned to her old place that’s no longer her own. As if that wasn’t bad enough, she then proceeded to get lost because she didn’t know how to get back to Makio’s place. All of this was a brutal reckoning of her new reality, and the horrible realization of how much her life has changed. It goes to tell you how distraught Asa was to forget she could’ve messaged Makio for directions back or to pick her up. It wasn’t until Makio had reached out to her to make follow-up on her plans since she was late.
With the new reality and the grief of what has been lost bearing down on her, this was also the first time we finally seen Asa lash out at several people. First it was the teachers, then it was her friend and then it was Makio. She couldn’t contain it anymore. The last shred of familiar normalcy she so desperately wanted to contain was taken from her without any consideration about how she feels.
It was just so heartbreaking to watch her crumble like that, but also so relieving to see Makio just seems to have the knack of the best way to comfort her. It helps that she was calm when being lashed out at. Bothered yes, but she made the point to remind Asa that this fight isn’t between them. It also helped talking about her own friendship with Nana, whom she has known for 23 years now since middle school.
And it was important, because she was able to convey to Asa how sometimes having a friend who has known them since their teens can help a lot. No one can compare, because they are likely the ones to intimately understand things that other people they befriend later and life cannot. But she shared an very intimate letter that Nana had left her on the day of their high school graduation. It said, “These six years I wouldn’t have been able to breathe without you.”
Those are heavy words to read. It paints of picture of the struggle Nana must’ve been doing through during that period. Upon reading that, it was in that moment she thought to herself, “My life is worth living.” And that too carried a lot of weight considering the pain Makio was undoubtedly going through too.
And that was something Asa could relate to. Emiri had said something similar to her before, of how she feels like the only time she can be her true self is when she’s with Asa. It helped ground her, and calm down enough that she was finally ready to look at Emiri’s unread messages of earnest apologizes and worry, and call her back to apologize for saying she hates her. And I’m glad she came to terms with this, because it really wasn’t Emiri’s fault. That belongs squarely on her mother for opening her mouth and sticking her nose into business that isn’t her own.
As for Makio, when they went to Asa’s place to find the paperwork and pack things up, she was still in disbelief of how even when packing away her sister’s belongings, she still couldn’t find it in her to feel sad about it. Interestingly there were moment where she found herself feeling like she was looking at a stranger’s belonging, seeing a side of her sister she never really knew. Such as finding her high school uniform, as she never struck Makio as the type to hang onto those things.
I probably sound like a broken record at this point, but I have uttermost respect for Makio assuring Asa that regardless of how she feels about her sister, she shouldn’t feel the need to tip-toe around the subject when she wants to talk about her parents. I just adore and respect how much consideration and care she’s giving Asa, from not missing opportunities to otherwise make memories in ways that she probably herself would’ve opted to skip out entirely. She’s really being the absolute best guardian Asa could ever ask for. She even told her, don’t worry about taking too much stuff if she’s afraid to let go of it. If needed, they’ll rent out a storage to put it in for the time being. Or rest properly so she doesn’t accidentally toss or forget something precious.
There was also a point in the episode when Makio mentioned how Asa doesn’t have her own space in their apartment. But in hindsight, perhaps this is actually a good thing for her. Asa’s always in company, she’s not holed up in a separate room where the void of her parent’s loss becomes far more obvious. Better yet, there’s also this sense of security, knowing that Makio will never judge her for anything, and is committed to her promise to respect her feelings.
This is precisely where Emiri can play a huge role in this situation. She’s the one person Asa can reliably turn to talk about her parents without worrying about digging up scars for the other party. Asa’s considerate enough to know that it would be better if Makio didn’t have to hear about her mother too much.
And with that said, that’ll all I got to say for this week’s episode. I’ll see you in the next one!
