Another week of tears man. I feel like we’re going to be drowning in feels one way or another for the rest of the show.
Both Makio and Asa were having a hard time this week, but each for their own reasons. Makio’s the type who feels like she’s suffocating when she’s with others, or at least others who she’s not familiar or outright uncomfortable with. It’s incredibly draining and difficult to endure. And to make matters worse, while she knows Asa’s not to blame, it’s so hard for her to interact with her, let alone love her because of the trauma her sister had instilled in her. There was an instance in the beginning of the episode when we saw how that trauma almost made her lash out at Asa, but luckily Shingo had intervened at just the right time, noticing that she was distressed.
Although it’s something now left in the past, I’m very interested in learning more about Shingo’s and Makio’s relationship. It’s admirable how the two are still able to be good friends after the breakup, but it was insightful to see that Shingo thinks he’s the reason why their relationship didn’t work out. While we already know they want different things in live (ie: Shingo’s desire to have kids, and Makio’s disinterest in that), we now also know that another reason why things fell apart was because Makio felt Shingo wouldn’t be able to understand how she’s feeling. Nevertheless, Shingo still deeply cares about her, which is why besides coming to visit to meet Asa, he was also there to check up on Makio.
It goes without saying, Makio has a lot of trauma she’s still dealing with, and we know a lot of it at the moment is rooted in the way her sister treated her. Belittling her, demeaning her, disrespecting her dreams as a writer– that kind of toxic shit you gotta deal with day in and out wears you down and makes you sick. And I recognize that to a uncomfortable degree because I do not have a good relationship with my sibling either. And it’s the absolute worst, especially when you’re stuck with them, with nowhere else to go or hide from it. So when Makio describes how “suffocating” it is, I get it. When you’re constantly feel like you’re walking on egg-shells or outright trying to avoid any confrontation lest you be subjected to verbal abuse or just plain outright bullying, that’s suffocating.
But this is exactly what makes Makio so admirable. Even though she had a terrible relationship with her sister, and would prefer to be alone, she couldn’t turn a blind eye to the way the relatives were treating Asa. If that isn’t the most selfless thing ever, I don’t know what is.
And Makio’s trying, she really is. She struggled a lot today with tempering her emotions and reaching out to Asa in her own awkward way to comfort her. She admits her shortcomings, the fact she can’t understand Asa’s loneliness in the same way Asa can’t understand why it feels so suffocating for her to be around people. Yet, despite that she’s the one who throws the life-line, willing to at least try to understand each other better. Because while she may not love her, she does care for her fondly– and we’ve seen that much. She will not ignore Asa’s loneliness, she will accept it and while she can’t understand it, will try her best to. She even reached out to Shingo in hopes for someone who understands loneliness better than she does to walk her through it, to get a better understanding how to make things better for Asa.
As for Asa: She just wants to be loved. Without her parents, she’s suffering from immense loneliness. She tried to fill that void today at the first day of high-school, making a ballsy decision to tell her classmates upfront that her parents had passed and she lives with her aunt now. She was secretly hoping to draw more attention to herself, but was let down when it was completely shrugged off. The moment they had quickly moved on, she felt stupid, embarrassed and quickly the loneliness was gnawing away at her again.
And it’s been terribly hard for Asa because she already knows that Makio can’t love her because of her resentment towards her mother Minori. It’s even more difficult when she feels she has to tip-toe around certain issues as she learns about things that trigger Makio’s trauma. She cannot freely talk about her mother without trigger a memory. Asa did actually ask Makio why she hates her mother, but that was something Makio absolutely does not want to share with Asa. In fact that was where Makio drew a hard line between them. Prying into her trauma is the one thing she doesn’t want Asa to do.
The other problem Asa found herself encountering this week, was the realization that she had been subconsciously projecting her mother onto Makio. When she came back from school and told Makio that she let the other kids know that she doesn’t have parents, she didn’t get the response she had thought or hoped for. Instead, Makio was entirely indifferent to it, to the point Asa was stunned speechless. It was only then when she realized she had been expecting Makio to respond like her mother had.
But if there’s one positive thing (albeit, it was kind of roughly put), Makio said in the at moment, it was not only saying there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be in the spotlight, it’s something that requires effort. And that itself is admirable. She went on to suggest perhaps Asa should considering singing if she wants to be in the spotlight, join a band or something. But the part where it was both positive and rough to watch was when Makio made the point that it’s Asa’s life, she should choose what makes her happy— besides, her mother isn’t here anymore, to judge her for her choices. Ooof. That’s true, but it definitely would’ve been better to just have left that bit out.
With that said, I’m so glad that Asa at least had enough tact to wait till Makio was out the door before asking Shingo if the two were dating or not. She definitely sensed their chemistry, but it would’ve been quite awkward for the two of them if she outright asked them there if that was the case. At least Shingo was able to tell her that they had already broken up, though in a round-about way, secretly hoping Asa wouldn’t catch onto it, but she did haha.
And lastly, if there’s one thing I’m worried about, it’s Emiri’s mother. We already know she’s the super nosy type. While I get she’s looking out for Asa’s best interest, we can already tell she’s projecting her own value system and standards on Makio before she even meets her. You can tell that she already had a bunch of concerns running through her head when Asa showed up to the opening ceremony on her own (despite the fact Makio did ask Asa if she was sure she didn’t need her to come). I can also see a mess unfolding if that woman finds out that Asa doesn’t have her own room and such and learning that Asa has developed a pattern of falling asleep abruptly. She did ask Emiri to report on their living environment… Hopefully Emiri having learned the lesson the hard way last time comes up with a white lie of a sort to ward off her mother…
