I’m so sorry this took so long to get done. I tried my best, I’m not totally satisfied as I do feel like I probably missed touching on some things. But it’ll have to do or else I fear I’ll lag even further behind because this stupid bug is being a real nuisance! 😷 I’ll see if I can get episode 9 entry out later tomorrow or by Tuesday latest!
Holy crap, there’s SO much to unpack in this episode!
I can imagine the way they were bouncing around to different conversations throughout the episodes made it difficult for some people to keep track what was going on. They were different conversations, but they all bounded by the same thread. The subject of motherhood, what it’s like to be a parent and the regrets, the complications and turmoils that comes with. It’s not always sunshine and rainbows, it’s never is. Everyone has their own respective complications, but whether they trust their children enough to talk about those feelings is up to each of them. And this episode, holy crap, we just took our first step into this bottomless bit of despair of Minori’s backstory. So let’s start there.
One of the main reasons the rift had formed between Minori and Makio in the first place is because of their ideology clashing. Makio’s sworn to being true to herself, no matter what. Minori on the other-hand, sees this is as a flaw. Society will reject them if they do not conform to their “standards and rules”. That’s why she was always criticizing Makio. But the way Makio saw it, it as Minori projecting her emptiness onto others, particularly her. She had no principles to stand by, no curiosity, and she had nothing to call her own.
Minori thought she did everything right, and was set for the future she had envisioned, but twos missteps completely threw her off-track. First, she got pregnant before marriage. Second, her boyfriend Hajime Takumi (Asa’s father) had no interest in getting married. He claimed he wanted to take care of Asa, but really is translated to merely sticking around out of “responsible obligation”. As result, Minori who agreed to this arrangement trapped herself in this situation. She decided to keep this all a secret (perhaps apart from her own mother who seems to be in the know), and this information only came out publicly in the news report. It’s not even clear at the moment if Asa herself knew that her parents were not in-fact married up until this point.
This also explains why we haven’t seen any notable flashbacks with Asa and her dad. There wasn’t really a relationship between them, he was more or less just “there”, as if merely participating in simply “attending” not because he wanted to, but because of “parental obligation”. Asa described him as someone who never said a word whenever they went out together. And that’s just super depressing for both Minori and Asa. By the sound of it, Takumi didn’t really make the effort to being a dad. And what I mean by that, is actually actively learning about his daughter, understanding them, building a bond and good memories with them. But because of that, it’s clear that the one Asa is angry and grieving the the loss of is not her father, but only her mother.
Needless to say, the fact Minori wasn’t married was like a stain to her. She was embarrassed by it, she’d lie to cover it up, project herself to be ‘normal like everyone else’, believe she had been for all her life. She struggled with suddenly finding herself stuck in an unloved relationship, a failure to protect her definition of “normalcy”. She’s afraid of being different because in her view, “being different meant being weird”. (And there’s a lot to unpack just from this alone, which I’ll expand more on in a little bit.)
That’s why there was a lot of weight attached to naming her daughter “Asa”. It carried her won unfulfilled wish, hoping if not, her, then at least Asa would be loved by everyone. She’d do everything she can to make that come true. But at the end of the day, as long as Asa can love herself, that would be enough for Minori.
Reading this, Asa found herself confronting a fear of hers that perhaps her mother never really loved her. That’s why she had such a hard time believing her mother words in the journal that “she loves her”. Worse, now that she’s gone, she has no way answers to all of this difficult questions that emerged, leaving her at loss and incredibly frustrated.
At that point in her life, Minori felt like Makio was likely the one who was happier than her. And she probably wasn’t wrong. Makio has her share of problems, but at the very least she was living true to herself and following her convictions. So in this respect, she’s living a more fulfilling life.
“Being different meant being weird”
And we see this with Asa and Emiri. Asa classifies Makio as “weird”, which is why she’s confused as to why Emiri doesn’t see her that way. To her, Emiri’s not part of “the weird ones”. And we can clearly see this is why Emiri isn’t ready or may simply choose not to open up to Asa about liking girls. She didn’t want to answer Asa when she off-handily asked her that when she said she’s not interested in boys. Asa didn’t think much of it, but to Emiri, it’s understandably a sensitive topic that she feels the need to tip-toe around. She doesn’t want to be seen as weird, and it’s depressing that people like her and Makio have to be seen as such.
As for Asa, we’ve been seeing cracks in her “I’m Fine” Mask increasing rapidly over the past few episodes. It’s only a matter of time before she will completely crash out, but she’s doing everything she can to keep this side of her hidden from any eyes to see, including Makio. Amid her grief is bitter frustration and resentment towards her mother, and it only grew upon reading the journal she had left to her.
Asa came to learn about the journal’s existence after she accidentally overheard Makio talking about it with Shingo. Makio was genuinely torn whether she should wait giving Asa the journal until she turned twenty as her sister wished, or give it to her sooner because she knows Asa’s longing for her mother. In Makio’s view, the journal is the last piece of her sister that remains alive today. The thoughts and words she could never shared out loud were preserved in the journal. Makio never finished reading it, because she felt it’d be wrong to.
This episode showed us the journal Minori left behind is a very heavy one. It’s clear that just reading it alone is too much for both of them. But to better understand the imperfect life that what made Minori into who she was, and how she was forced to adapt to circumstances she never envisioned being trapped in, this is undoubtedly something both she and Asa would probably be best to reading together, rather than alone. They may also be able to be fill in the blanks and context that the other is missing based on seeing the pieces of Minori that the other never got to see.
Considering the weight of the episode, I honestly didn’t know where to plug in my exasperation that they REALLY just skipped straight over the sizzling chemistry between Makio and Shingo. THAT WAS SO CRUEL! But in all seriousness, we got to see more so why Shingo loves Makio as much as he does.
We learned in this episode that Shingo suffered from depression. It was the reason why he had quit his job at the bank and changed jobs. And when he did, Makio didn’t judge him for it, and that was a huge relief for him. I really appreciated seeing this side of him, even more so because it’s a male character and this kind of thing is so often not something men open up about. He talked about how the experience made him realize how arrogant he was before, and how depression made him realize what it was like to be in the position of need.
We also learned a bit about his relationship with his own mother, and what her bento journal revealed about her (similarly to how Makio’s journal to Asa revealed about her feelings too). Shingo’s mother always strive for perfection and hoped for nothing less from him as well.
On the subject of mothers, fittingly this episode as a whole thematically revolves around a mother’s intentions, so when we got to see Emiri’s mother Michiko talking with Asa, it was honestly a pleasant surprise.
As you know, I have been extremely guarded with her character since she stuck her nose into Asa’s business with the school. It does give me hope that maybe, just maybe, seeing how Makio is trying her best to be there for Asa while understanding she’ll never be able to replace her parents, that maybe she’ll be more open to Emiri when/if she ever decides to come out. I suspect she might be more upset about it at first, but I’d like to hope she’d come around. One thing Michiko showed us today is that she’s certainly the emphatic kind of person, as she gets emotionally touched over things very easily. Perhaps this might be something she’d find even herself feeling more comfortable to talk to Makio about. I suspect varying on whoever she hangs out with, she may find it difficult to consult them about her concerns or uncertainty.
