Journal with Witch Ep 9

This week was another episode where we’re jumping around multiple conversations going on. This time, the subject was bouncing around a combination of subjects that were all tied to stuck in a slump and ‘the person we want to be.’

Makio’s struggle trying to overcome this slump of writing her manuscript was enormously taxing on her. In-fact she was so out of it and so drained that, Shingo had been helping out with doing things like buying groceries and prepping some meals for her so she doesn’t have to cook. Hilariously, and to Asa’s disbelief, Makio went straight to Shingo and immediately became clingy, which was absolutely adorable! For a bit she was latched to him like a koala cub while he was cooking. He did manage to help her out beyond that too, as he was the one who had suggested to Makio that maybe she could reach out to someone in her field to talk about her slump with.

And that she did. She invited Juno a fellow writer over to chat, and the two talked about how difficult it was to write. Everything felt so bland, and people giving affirmative feedback wasn’t helpful, but nothing they made had any flavour. The experience made them feel extremely lonely and helpless. And their work can sometimes feel futile. Though Makio didn’t say anything, I’m sure hearing that made her think more about the various feelings of ‘loneliness’.

Fortunately it appears talking with Juno did help Makio to some extent, as after months of struggling, Makio was finally able to complete her manuscript.

As for Asa, after had come to accept her parents’ death and begin the process of grieving, she was fortunately given ten days off from school. She has also since started seeing a counsellor, but right now she doesn’t find it particularly helpful. And honestly, I can relate to Asa’s confusion and frustration about this. I was in such position when I went to counselings at one point in high school. I too thought (and I still do looking back on it) at the time of how utterly useless that counsellor was. You go in there in hopes being told that they are there to help you, and when you do show up, they do anything but that.

From personal experience, I do think counsellors (particularly ones at school) need to at least explain how they are there to support the student. Telling teenagers “just talk about anything” doesn’t help at all, and it’s even worse when they seem to do absolutely nothing to help with the issue at hand, and instead you feel like you’re talking to a freaking wall instead. Heck I still don’t even know how counsellors are supposed to act, but having a better understanding what to expect in the consultation would certainly help feel a little less lost. In the end, the only thing that got me through that period of my life was journaling all of my emotions during classes. It was the sole thing that held me together when I was in school.

This is why writing lyrics may or will likely be the best way to channel Asa’s grief and frustrations. The problem is that she doesn’t know quite how to yet, but that’s exactly why Makio told her now’s the time to write as much as she can. Strike while the iron’s still hot. Writing like any skill requires practice. Strike, forge, polish like your life is on the line. Rinse and repeat.

And Asa certainly will need to rise to the challenge if she and her fellow first year students wants any hopes of performing at an upcoming concert. Right now, second year students get dibs, and the first years are relegated to preparing and handing out the flyers. But naturally, Asa doesn’t want to settle for that, especially when she sees that a fellow first year student got picked to perform with the second year band while she was out of school for the past 10 days. So in order to open up a possible opportunity for them, they need to take advantage of the conditions which bands that compose their own songs get priority. Since then, Asa and the others been trying to write lyrics, and once they managed to finish a first draft, she asked but Makio’s reception wasn’t quite what she had expected. But was very sweet how Makio wanted to keep the lyric sheet because “it gives her strength”!

I do wonder what made Makio to go red in the face though. I think it was because she got second hand embarrassment (because it made her think back at her fresh days writing in her youth) or it actually made her flustered. She honestly didn’t know how to exactly to critique Asa, just as Asa didn’t know what she was really hoping to get out of it besides maybe “It’s good!”. The only feedback Makio gave her was the following; hone in on a subject and the intent of the song, it’s too vague and all over the place. Use the bridge to expand on those points, add more vocabulary, and most importantly: Write with the intent to kill, like her life is on the line. Asa still didn’t get what she meant in this moment, but we do hear her narration that she eventually comes to realize what Makio was getting at here.

Asa’s biggest frustration is that things like the lyrics aren’t falling into place as easily as she’d imagine it to be. She vented about how her aunt’s a novelist, her parents are dead, she has it so hard, yet she’s still so plain. She doesn’t get why none of this was making her ‘special’ in the way she desperately wants to be.

But what Asa doesn’t quite understand yet is that being creative is a lot harder than people realize. That’s why Makio was in such a slump for the past few months. The easy part is coming up with a basic premise, but expanding on that and fleshing it out is the tough part. For Asa, she claims she doesn’t have anything she wants to say, but in truth she actually does: “It’s not fair, screw this.” and “It was like everyone was speaking to me in a foreign language.” But the problem is that she’s not sure how to describe any of it beyond that and the the analogy of the desert she feels lost in. (Note: We do briefly see her lyrics while she’s on the train!)

With that said, while Asa’s struggling to sort herself out, we did see Makio note how some things we may never get a full answer to. Even now, 5 years after she had split with Shingo and her friend told her how she had an ‘epiphany’ that she’ll never date again, Makio’s still wondering if she’ll ever figure out who she is, what she does and don’t love, and how she’ll live her life. She has yet to still figure that out. And I think it’s because she kind of just got caught up in the flow. Her novel was received well, so she became a writer. She’s still working out what she wants out love. But we can see that even though she’s okay with being alone, she still has yearnings and needs. It seems the two have come to agreement to try out what Shingo had suggested, meeting each other’s needs and being that pillar of support without being married.

That said, was interesting to see that the reason for the breakup according to Asa was that she felt too inferior to Shingo. To her at the time, he seemed so perfect, it made her feel stupid. But perhaps, and for the better, they were able to really get to know each other even better as friends, which is probably why Makio feels so comfortable around him, and vice versa. I wonder if we’ll ever see Makio update us on those thoughts she once had and whether that perception of him has changed since.