Sorry for the late post but life in general has been very busy. But here we are and I have quite a bit of feels to spill. If Kana didn’t already break my heart last weak, she smashed it to pieces this week. At this point, I think I can make it official. Kana is for sure my favorite character in this series hands down, no competition. Her struggles are extremely relatable despite her being a child star. But Like I said in the previous episode, the things she goes through with how little self-esteem she has and just feels like she can’t ever succeed in anything she takes part.
Despite everyone agreeing that she’s the best candidate for the center, Kana is just not having it even when she reluctantly agrees. The way she lashed out at Ruby and MEM-cho after they tried to coerce her into being the center definitely came from a recent sore spot for her. Especially since Aqua pulled a similar stunt of talking her into becoming an idol by using a bunch of compliments and using her pushover nature to get her to agree. To which, looking at it from that perspective, was an incredibly manipulative move. But it’s Aqua, so that in itself isn’t particularly surprising. However, because it seemed as if Ruby was using the same tactic in getting Kana to agree, I can hardly blame Kana for getting fed up. Though, I feel like the biggest difference was that it seemed like Ruby was trying to also be encouraging since she is aware of Kana beating herself up recently while Aqua was trying to push her in a direction he wanted to help Ruby. I’m glad that Ruby actually apologized for trying to force her into the center role by being manipulative. And in typical Ruby fashion, was able to convince her through genuine means and not lies or manipulation after demonstrating just how bad both she and MEM-cho are lol.
I’m not 100% sure where Kana’s strong sense of responsibility comes from. But if I had to guess, it may stem from her taking on so many different projects that she may not even have wanted to do, but did it for the sake of taking whatever she could get. Not to mention how she gets wrapped up in things is because she’s seeking validation. But I’m not sure if that necessarily ties in with her sense of responsibility. I do wonder if they’ll address that part of her character later on, but it does seem to be a bit of a problem. Since you do need boundaries and also know when to say no. Especially if you’re not able to handle something. It’s definitely something Kana needs to work on so that she doesn’t get taken advantage of.
I already knew that Aqua was Pieyon because of TV tropes again, but I still liked how they insinuated that it was Aqua the entire time. Though they definitely were very on the nose about it at times. But the fact that Aqua even survived Pieyon’s training in a full body track suit and that mask is a testament to his endurance. It’s honestly impressive he was able to do all that AND continue acting and sounding like Pieyon.
At this point, I think I’m caving to the Aqua/Kana ship. I was DETERMINED not to ship Aqua with anyone due to him being an adult mentally and he’s got A LOT of baggage to sort through. Not to mention that he is still hung up on Ai (all the while still figuring out his feelings towards her) and is focusing solely on his revenge. But the fact that he still tries to have a conversation with her because he seems like like talking to her and also seems to be watching out for her… that’s cute as heck man. Even going through the effort to look and act like Pieyon just so he can interact with her and support her. I’m definitely caving, especially how easy it seems for them to chat and Aqua is making a genuine effort to help her. And Kana is none the wiser. Though I will admit that I do question how he was able to find out so much about her, even down to her not liking bell peppers despite that not being public information. For all we know, he may have asked Akane. But considering he’s only with her to find out more information on Ai and his father, it’s unlikely. The scene between the two is still very sweet despite Kana not knowing it was actually him until later.
Also the fact that Kana so obviously likes him but it is being incredibly tsundere about it… gurl pls lol. And for someone she supposedly doesn’t like, she sure talks a lot about him lol. Even MEM-cho is very confused by her tsundereness and most likely will catch on to Kana having feelings for him eventually. Especially after her ranting about how she can’t get him out of her head. Gurl you are down BAD. Though once she finds out that Aqua had been the one under Pieyon’s mask, I’m sure she’s going to be quite confused. Especially since the person she enjoyed chatting with earlier was the guy she already had feelings for. It just goes to show that no matter what, she naturally gravitates towards him. And because of her confusion, she wasn’t able to get a good night’s rest and could end up affecting her performance. The second-hand anxiety is definitely setting in since I think we all know how it feels to go a night without sleeping and how hard it is to function the day after.
Kana is probably at her lowest mentally at this point in the story. She views herself with little to no value and as I brought up in the last post, she’s experienced just so much rejection through out her acting career that she just hasn’t been able to mentally and emotionally recover from it. And considering she was met by those negative experiences so early in life, of course it’s going to mess with her self-esteem. Not to mention that there didn’t ever seem to be one person who was there to lift her up when she needed it most. It’s sad that she basically had to trudge through all of this all on her own. Which could answer my previous question of why she’s so responsibility driven where she felt like she had to do everything on her own because if not her, then who else? She had no one else to depend on than herself.
The situation just feels like a double whammy for Kana since not only does she have to worry about performing well, but depending on how she performs, it could affect Ruby and MEM-cho’s futures as well. Her self-esteem lately is already rock bottom, so her stress levels must be off the charts. So many expectations are riding on her that I feel like a lot of people would end up caving under that amount of pressure. And after not being able to meet past expectations from everyone around her, Kana must feel so cornered and trapped. Not only that, but this episode just shows how unfair people are towards child actors. At least in the states, it seems like no matter what a child actor does once they’ve gotten older, everything they do is critiqued to a point where they literally can’t do anything beyond what they’ve done as a child actor. And it seems like Kana has faced a similar dilemma. No one is willing to really help her after her child actor days and people online constantly putting her down. Nothing she does seems to resonate with any one because of her label as “Child Actor.” It’s sad that she’s taken those remarks to heart and even using them as self-deprecating humor. She doesn’t want to get hurt anymore so she uses them as a way to protect herself since others can’t make fun of her if she’s already making fun of herself.
The fact that she expects to fail but doesn’t want to be the one to drag Ruby and MEM-cho down because she can’t bare to see their dreams be crushed like hers. Despite how she acts, Kana does have a big heart and cares a lot for those around her. She can’t bear the thought of others failing as hard as she did. And I’m so glad that Ruby was there to prop her back up. Because of her being a child actor, I don’t think Kana has ever been given the chance to make genuine friends. Given how she acts, I’m sure a lot of people her age would be put off by her attitude. Which probably contributes to how fast she ended up falling for Aqua since he was probably the only person who actually went out of his way to help her and support her in her time of need. And considering what she said during her conversation with Aqua pretending to be Pieyon, it doesn’t seem like she’s had the opportunity to just be a normal kid and have silly conversations with others. So the fact that Ruby is now reaching out to her and becoming a support for her is really sweet. Kana needs gal friends and I think if she’d let them, Ruby and MEM-cho could be a great support system for her. Despite their silly antics, they know when to be serious and comforting and Kana really needs that.
Ruby was definitely the shining sun in this episode with her positive disposition. Especially in comparison to Kana, who has been increasingly negative about herself recently. It’s even portrayed symbolically with Kana shown mostly in the shadows while Ruby is in the light during the night time scene and also when they were in the hallway. Kana and Ruby’s developing friendship is also really endearing. Especially since Kana is probably the only one besides Aqua that she’s shared a bit of her previous life with. She also seems pretty quick to pick up on Kana’s emotional state. Even going as far as to notice when she’s lying about not being nervous. And for her to reassure her that failing in this situation is fine and that they’ll do it all together. Basically telling her that she’s not alone, thus taking some of the responsibility off her back to share with the rest of the group. At this rate, both Aqua and Ruby seem to be shaping up to be Kana’s supports, people she can fall back on to prop her back up when she spirals into negativity.
In her recalling her past life, we get to see that Ruby has had two shining lights in her life: Ai and Gorou. We already knew that Ai was a big inspiration to her as shown by her TV lighting up her dark room. But then it was Gorou who seemingly opened up the curtains, bringing in the sun to her dark world. Despite him most likely hanging out with her to avoid working, I’m sure his visits meant a lot to her since we never saw her talk about whether or not her family even visited her. While other doctors and nurses trickled in and out to keep tabs on her condition, it seems as if Gorou was the only one to really sit down and spend time with her during her lonely stay at the hospital. To which, you can’t really blame her for developing an attachment to him because of that. And it was really sweet of him to inspire her dream of becoming an idol after he told her he’d be her fan if she ever became one.
Though it does make me wonder how she’d react if she ever found out that Aqua and Gorou are the same person. So far, despite others commenting that they have sibling complexes with each other, the two are portrayed strictly as actual siblings. Or at least a couple of people who understand what the other has gone through as a reincarnated person. I’m thankful that there isn’t the typical weird sibling attraction that goes on in a lot of other anime and they are strictly platonic and care for each other in their own way. So after all of what they’ve gone through together, I do wonder what their reactions would be to find out that they did know each other and had a previous bond in their previous lives. It would definitely be interesting. Though I’m not sure how Ruby would react to finding out that Gorou had died.
I had a feeling they were going to save the performance for the finale so I wasn’t surprised to see them end on that cliffhanger. With all of the Kana self-negativity, I’m really hoping that the finale will finally give her that second chance she’s been desperately needing. Hopefully the final episode ends with a bang. Though I’m sure a second season is more than likely to happen eventually. But I’m definitely going to miss this series. Hopefully all goes well with their first official performance and that Ruby and MEM-cho were able to shape up their singing because wow they were OFF during that small clip of their singing. Hopefully Aqua/Pieyon were able to whip them into shape. Off to the finale!
