Hige wo Soru. Soshite Joshikousei wo Hirou – Ep 10

MY EMOTIONS!!!! The days Sayu has to prepare herself has quickly flown by, and it has been hard for both of them. Yoshida in particular has been quietly dealing with the internal turmoil of not being fully honest with himself and others. It is incredibly difficult for him to part ways with Sayu and was nervous about the situation waiting for her back home. So it was heartwarming to see everyone to support Yoshida at the time of need, giving him the much needed intervention of a sorts about not being honest with his feelings. We got to see them express frustration and dismay when he tried to dodge it when his true feelings were so clearly written all over his face. We certainly got to see that when there was a misunderstanding about Sayu’s sudden disappearance (she had secretly wanted to check out his workplace and walk home with him), we got to see how Yoshida’s colleagues who knew about the situation quickly came to his aid. Thankfully used this opportunity to knock some sense into him by spelling out to that Sayu is equal to, if not more important than their work.

I was also really happy to see Issa feel comfortable and trust Yoshida enough to tell him about what contributed to the toxic relationship between Sayu and her mother. Simply put, their family is a hot mess. Their father is notorious for having affairs, and already moved onto another woman when their mother was pregnant with Sayu. However even though she was told to get an abortion, Sayu’s mother refused as it was a last ditch effort to try and keep her husband from leaving her. In the end he still left them, and Sayu being the “proof” of the broken relationship suffered from negligence of an unloved child, and instead was treated as a punching bag for her mother’s grief and anger.

That’s why when Sayu snuggled up with Yoshida and she wondered aloud if she could have grown up as a normal girl if he had been her father, I almost burst into tears. After watching her friend commit suicide right before her eyes, and her mother scorning her in the face of trauma, it’s no wonder why Sayu became lost with herself, and longed for warmth. This further explains the times she has mentioned there would be occasions when she felt ‘fulfilled’ when she had sex with the men that housed her, because it made her feel ‘needed’. That was why this form of intimacy was so significant. While it was wholesome, it was also such a raw moment between them. Sayu wanted to be able to hold that warmth Yoshida has given her just a bit longer because it’s become something that is difficult for her to let go of. She let herself be vulnerable in that moment, quietly expressing her fear of returning home on her own. So when he turned over and told her he would go with her back to Hokkaido to face her mother, you could see just how much weight of fear and dread lifted off of Sayu’s shoulders. It’s exactly what she needed and hoped for, but was too afraid to ask for it herself.

And truth to be told, I am not sure what will become of Sayu’s relationship with her mother. Her mother doesn’t give damn about her, and only cares about her own image and reputation. Had it not been for Sayu’s school and teacher swinging by to check up on her, I get the feeling her mother wouldn’t have even bothered looking for her. There are a lot of things that needs to be fixed, but that can only be done if her mother acknowledges her wrongdoings and the psychological abuse she has afflicted onto Sayu, and get the much needed help she needs to pull herself together. We’ll have to see how this plays out though. While Sayu wants to face her past, I am totally down for the idea of making official arrangements for her to leave Hokkaido and pursue her future in a healthier environment away from her mother.

But it goes without saying, I think we can all agree is imperative for Yoshida to go with her. While Sayu does have her brother’s support, Yoshida was the first person to become her confidant. Thanks to him, he set her straight and taught her to love and value herself, and gave her the comfort and support when she needed it most. The time they spent together has been the happiest she has ever been in her life, and that is what makes Yoshida the person she can trust and depend on the most. That is why she wants to prove to everyone that meeting Yoshida was one of the best things to have ever happened to her, and she is going back home with all of the warmth and strength he has given her. And what better way to do that than to be right by her side when she faces her past?

With that we have only three episodes left! I am very curious to see what will become of their relationship and whether they will keep things as they are, or let it evolve to something more in the future. It’s obvious that they care deeply about each other, but we are still waiting to find out what kind of love they will determine it to be. Honestly at this point, I think I would be satisfied regardless whatever the outcome may be. As long as Sayu and Yoshida are happy and living a good life, I’ll be happy too.

PS: Sayu’s recipe book is amazing! (SOBS) My heart! It was so beautifully put together!