Did Tiger’s roar sound like a motorcycle engine starting up on a cold winter day to anyone else?
Also, did Sheep’s laugh just consist of ‘baa-ing’? What, the horns weren’t enough?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR JOKES!
Saying a lot happened this episode would be an understatement. We lost 25% of the character roster, completely shattering the 1 death an episode formula we’ve been seeing up until now.
Deaths: Monkey, Sheep, Horse.
That leaves Rabbit, Dragon, Rat, Ox, and Tiger in the running. We’re down to the top 5!
While I 100% guessed Sheep’s death in the last post, I had not an inkling of a clue that Horse and Monkey would be joining the pile of fallen warriors.
Sheep’s death was underwhelming and completely one-sided which was to be expected. He gave absolutely no credit to Tiger and basically lowered his guard to the point of nonexistence. Uncoincidentally, that left him the easiest target in the world for a master of the drunken fist who proceeded to rip out Sheep’s stomach before he could even comprehend what was happening. It really makes you wonder if the reason Tiger was searching out Ox in the beginning was because they have some sort of history and she’s stood on equal ground as him. 
Maybe she’s just trying to prove herself though. Their face-off, if it ever happens, would probably be the most hype moment of the show.
Speaking of Ox, that’s some brilliant detective work he did! Imagine seeing a dent on the roof of a car and then being able to predict the trajectory of your future victim’s escape. They don’t call him a genius for nothing. Also happens to be the one area I can give credit to Sheep. When he’s not underestimating his opponent he’s a pretty crafty guy, planting fake evidence to lead Ox off his trail. Or, he was a crafty guy at least. These moments serve as good reminders that being a warrior requires more than brute strength. Having the brains and willpower (RIP Horse) to thrive in an environment like this is equally as important.
Monkey’s death, on the other hand, was a work of beauty. Suffering from a similar setback as Sheep, underestimating her opponent, she fell for what was probably the best-laid trap in the show so far. If you ever needed a reminder of why Rabbit has gotten this far, look no further. Besides the whole necromancy thing, I mean. And he finally spoke! To make a witty one liner… If he reanimates her corpse, not sure why he wouldn’t, then I honestly don’t know how he can be stopped. Monkey appeared to have the most, or second most, combat experience and was also incredibly strong and could even alter states of matter. I swear if this turns out to be all a part of Monkey’s plan I’m going to go to the closest zoo and flip off the nearest monkey I can find.
I also kind of feel like she’s not actually dead. A very, very small part of me thinks she isn’t. My reasoning is that the cuts weren’t deep looking, and she is quite… busty. It didn’t seem like the machetes went deeper than her breast. Of course, that’s human logic not anime logic, so I’m probably overthinking it.
If I had to liken Horse to an animal… it’d be a horse. If I know anything from TV and the ranch my late great-grandma owned, it’s that when a horse sprains an ankle, trips, gets a cold, breathes or does basically anything, there’s already a good chance you’ll have to put it down. Horse was the embodiment of disappointment. 
Especially for someone who took down an entire enemy squad with a wounded shoulder and then dedicated his life to strengthening his body through exercise, torture, and drugs. His confidence was instantaneously decimated by a single encounter with Ox. To the point where he placed his hopes in his rapidly evolving cells to counter the poison. I don’t know if that’s a testament to Ox’s physical strength or to Horse’s lack of mental fortitude, but good god to either option.
It’s worth mentioning that despite being picked on yet again for being only a kid, Rat managed to deliver another great monologue about the way the world works and how if you’re only trying to scrape by you might as well be dead. Well, looked like his advice was spot-on because moments later Horse suffocated from the smoke caused by Snake’s flamethrower. Get busy living or get busy dying. It almost looks like Rat’s power is to read minds. Or maybe it’s more general, like great intuition? That or it’s just being able to squeeze through small gaps in walls… Ohhh. What if he has psychic powers and everyone’s still in the starting room? He’s just been making them hallucinate the whole time. Clever rats. Regardless, this conversation was one of the best parts of this series. It felt like a conversation you’d hear in the Monogatari series. An ‘A+’ for dialogue.
All in all, we got some great action and some surprise endings that really reinvested me in the show. Monkey was finally able to finish killing every single bird by karate chopping it in the neck, Horse showed us everything not to do in a fight, and Tiger made haggis out of Sheep. Now it’s time to show me what you got, Dragon!
New personal favorite to win: Tiger.
Favorite character so far: Rat.
The monogatari series author DID write and create Juuni Taisen btw
Yup, I know! A different commenter actually mentioned that in my first episode post. It was a calculated reference, haha. I wrote that more so because this seems SOOO unlike anything else he’s done, in plot and depth. But it’s my understanding that some things were cut out. Like seeing everything from a reporter’s POV. I feel like some of the authors flair was lost in the transition. Thanks for letting me know though!