Osomatsu-san Episode 5 [Um…(Scratches Head)]

As some of you might guess, I am a person who is very rarely at a loss for words. However…this episode is one of the few times in which I actually am unsure what to say. This episode had one of the sweetest parts in it, but at the same time one of the most disgusting, horrible things I’ve ever seen in an anime. (and no, i don’t care if that’s the point they were trying to make) My head hurts. I’m just going to review this and lie down.

So the episode begins with the six brothers eating and drinking at a booth. They eat a whole lot, but unfortunately they don’t really have any money so they stiff the guy on the bill. This being a common thing, the guy who runs the shop has gotten sick of it and takes matters into his own hands by kidnapping one of the brothers and tying him to a pole which at high tide will drown him unless they pay the ransom.

Didn't this happen in an episode of bob's burgers?

Didn’t this happen in an episode of bob’s burgers?

The brothers receive the phone call the next morning and at first are stupid and unsure about what happened to him. However, eventually they realize that he really has been kidnapped. They ask what the ransom amount is and begin to come up with ways to rescue him.

Okay. This next part. I do not find this funny. I do not find this entertaining. I am just disgusted. The mom brings in pears and they completely forget about their brother and basically leave him to die.

don't get excited. This worry for their brother doesn't last long

don’t get excited. This worry for their brother doesn’t last long

I just…at this point I thought they were building up to a joke like they were going to save him all along and this was a joke. No. no. They really do forget about him. Literally every one of the brothers cemented themselves as terrible people in that one scene. The next half of the episode is sweet and all, but…this part. I just…i’m disgusted.

Really? pears? fuck you

Really? pears? fuck you

So the guy actually feels really bad for the brother and lets him down and even offers to buy him dinner. The brother of course is devastated though to learn that his brothers cared more about food than him. (Honestly, if that were my family i’d never speak to them again).

In response the guy says that they should stage another situation like that and show their brother in danger and they’ll come to rescue him. and guess what? they don’t. Again. And that’s actually where that story ends.

NOT. FUNNY.

NOT. FUNNY.

I’m..i’m sorry. Is that supposed to be enjoyable in any way whatsoever? I just…No. No it’s not.  Fuck that storyline. Fuck it up it’s ass. And now you want me to have some kind of connection between these characters? Fuck you.

Part two at least is better. Of course I’m so jaded by part 1 I don’t really care.

Part 2 involves the quiet brother who acts aloof and goes to a scientist’s lab in an attempt to talk to a cat he befriended. Unfortunately all they have is a serum that will let the brother understand what’s really in people’s hearts. However upon them trying to inject it, the cat gets in the way and is injected instead.

huh...that's a very weird snapshot out of context

huh…that’s a very weird snapshot out of context

So now the cat can see what’s really in your heart as well as speak Japanese.

It begins to talk about what’s in his heart and how he actually does want friends despite the fact that he says he doesn’t. He gets pissed off and throws the cat out.

The cat then wanders around doing to same to other people. Not wanting to hear the truth, people get mad at the cat and chase it. It escapes and we see the brother being upset and walking around seemingly looking for the cat.

One of the brothers finally finds it and it’s discovered that he really does care for the cat. The end.

but why does the cat have glasses?

but why does the cat have glasses?

The second half of the story is actually a sweet sentiment and by itself would have been a nice story. The problem is it was so bogged down by the GARBAGE of the first story. I liked what they did with the cat but  I was so jaded at this point I didn’t even care anymore.

Being horrible to your brother is not funny. It is just that. Horrible. There was no comeuppance, no realization, it just ended with you having a horrible taste in your mouth. And I do not care if that’s the intent. It was INCREDIBLY mean spirited and made me uncomfortable to watch.

Part 1 gets a 1.5/10. That’s right. It gets a lower score than most Vanadis episodes. Fuck you part 1. (the .5 is just because the shopkeep is a decent human being)

Part 2 gets a 7/10

Seriously though. Now my neck hurts. I need to lay down. Fuck you part 1. Fuck you.

-Hideki

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