“Even so, I… I want something genuine.”
Impression
‘I don’t understand’.
That was how Yukinon replied to Hikki’s emotional plea for something ‘genuine’. And that was my initial reaction, too – it’s a lot of fun deciphering the various events of Oregairu, but at the end of the scene, amidst a sea of feels was a seedling of confusion. So I decided to watch it again, and the third time round I finally got the gist of it all. At least, I think I did. Also, it was funny to have Iroha suddenly break the mood and appear whilst looking so out of place. Never change, Irohasu.
Hikki took his largest steps before the ‘confession’ scene. I’m not saying said scene wasn’t significant – but he’d in fact already made a major decision the night before, and that was to admit that he could not solve these problems alone and needed help. In the previous arc with the student council election, Hikki used Komachi as his reason to act – and his excuse to act. He would make Irohasu president for Komachi’s sake, which is a roundabout solution and a long stretch if I’ve ever seen one. It was a big thing for Hikki to admit to himself that he needed to find his real reason for acting – and the answer lay very much in what forever alone Shizuka told him. He cares for them. He cares for Yukinon and Yui, and certainly one of the reasons he decided to help out Irohasu by himself was that it was not a burden for either of them to handle. I don’t think it’s wrong to say that it’s because he cares that he wants something genuine with them – if he’s going to form relationships with other people, something he has shied away from for the entirety of his high school life thus far, he wants it to be something real.
I think anyone would want that. A genuine relationship with someone else sounds very nice, whatever that means. It’s the very kind of thing you would actively expect Hikki to want, given his past experiences. But it’s something very hard to reach – perhaps impossible even. Part of the reason why is because the meaning behind a genuine relationship is already vague in itself – and I don’t think Hikki fully understood himself. Yukinon didn’t understand. Yui sure didn’t. And so what Hikki wanted is for them to aspire towards something genuine – to actually try for it, whatever it is. It may be hard to reach, but Hikki cares enough about these girls to want to make the effort, and he hopes they reciprocate the feeling. For normal people, Hikki said he would never accept what they said at face value, and assume an ulterior motive – but he wants to accept what Yukinon or Yui say at face value. He wants to be able to trust and understand them to that extent.
Yukinon initially declined his request for help, saying that he should solve his own problems himself. And this was on the back of a long-escalating tension revolving around how he hadn’t lived up to her expectations, and vice versa. In essence, they both failed to understand the other, and this is why I think Yukinon declined him – because she thought they couldn’t work together as a result. It’s much the same with how she gently exiled him from the club – it was her way of trying to cut ties with him after realizing they were too different for it all to work out. She basically gave up on him. But Hikki doesn’t want that – even if he doesn’t understand her, he wants to try understanding her. And in return, he wants Yukinon to do the same. Yui is right in saying that it’s everyone’s fault for not communicating, although Yukinon’s one potshot in starting up the blame game was perfectly justified too – because Yui’s own response was to pretend nothing was wrong. It’s just as far from being genuine as is Yukinon ceasing her attempts to understand Hikki.
That’s my take on it all. It was incredible to see him moved to the point of tears, honestly. Yet it’s not like all their relationship issues have been fixed with this one scene – plus I did want Hikki to join in with the hug and to have all three of them cry together. But I hope they’ll stop running away from it all now. I also still don’t know what a genuine relationship is, but there was that one scene during the school trip, before all the drama started when they were just amicably sharing food. They looked content, and it felt pretty damn genuine to me.
I’ve been scared since Friday to watch this episode. I really wasn’t sure which way it would go and if it hadn’t ended like this at least, I think my excitement for everything else, DanMachi, Fate, Sidonia, Tokyo Ghoul, you name it, it would’ve just dropped. I think I only gained the courage to watch it today because I accepted something as genuine in me last night, because I do like to reflect on characters that I admire and I couldn’t help but feel I was channeling some of all three forms of their self-denial.
Anyway… Yes, a true man never gives up, it’s what I want to say. But thank goodness for Yui! Thank goodness for her balance, even if it’s not always perfect. The way she’ll accept that she can’t understand, but doesn’t give up on either of them. After all nothing will change if you just give up. Still, go Hikki! Of course, younglings need guidance from those who are grown up at times, so thank goodness for Shizuka as well – poor girl ;_;
You were spot-on with this analysis and I definitely wanted Hikki to join in on the hug as well, although, the entire chase up to that point is something I expect to see again. As they (hopefully) succeed in refining this gem that is “something genuine”, I’m expecting perhaps the most outstanding changes to be in Yukinon. Changes her sister is likely to notice and there’s potential for both horror and greatness there. A happier family would be nice, you know?