Wait wait, let me get this straight. I had to work today, I’m sick, AND I got to watch Vanadis? Well this is just the best fucking day ever! Who doesn’t like a contrived piece of crap garbage! This is the greatest show since…daw fuck I can’t even keep going with that joke. We know it sucks. Didn’t get any better, here we go.
Episode starts out with Tigre finding out his home country’s being attacked. So we start with Tigre saying “Pwease let me go help my people!” Elen’s like “But what can you do by yourself?” He goes “Please lend me your troops!” Elen responds with “Only if you GIVE ME YOUR COUNTRY after we’re done.” To which he goes, “K!” Gosh I love this guy. Wait. Love may be too strong a word…what word….oh yeah. FUCK YOU.
It turns out that the evil king wants to invade Bullshitville (I don’t care to remember what the name of the country is so i’m going to call it Bullshitville) so he sends his eldest son to go take it over with 3000 people. However, he even admits that he doesn’t even want the place. He just wants to destroy it so another king can’t have it. So yes, our villain is burning the “hero’s’ house down for the equivalent of “If I can’t have it no on can. Nyah Nyah.’
Well, he does give his son some dragons. So that could at least be cool.
Unnnntil you find out that the king says NOT to use the dragons. They’re just meant to stand there and look cool.
….
FUCK. THIS. SHOW
It’s actually amazing how retarded this show is, someone should do a case study on it.
Meanwhile at home, Tigre’s maid Titta (which is ironic because she has some of the smallest boobs in the show) is busy fapping over missing Tigre. Of course because FUCKING EVERYONE wants to bone Tigre. EVERYONE.
So usually at the halfway mark of the episode they put a little useless fact about the world and how shit works. So what do you have today?
What the….YOU GAVE US THE DEFINITION OF PILLA-.. WHO THE FUCK DOESN’T KNOW WHAT PILLAGING MEANS YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. ( PUNCHES THE DIRECTOR OF THE SHOW IN THE MANGINA)
(shudders with rage)
So..(deep breath) lackoftitta stays behind to defend Tigre’s mansion because she wants his dick and is sure he’ll come back home…. even though the town’s under attack and he’s still technically elen’s prisoner…. even though he’s NOT because he is now in charge of her army. ONE FUCKING EPISODE PEOPLE.
What the- weren’t YOU the bitch who last episode said “Oh, I beat and army of 20,000 with only 5,000?” DO YOU NOT REMEMBER YOUR OWN SHIT FROM YOUR LAST EPISODE? GAHH!
So eventually the leader of the evil army, whose name is Zion or something but I shall name him “TGINT” (Thank god it’s not tigre) decides to go attack Tigre’s home because he can’t attack the temple where everyone’s gathered because apparently the temple is like home base in tag.
There he finds smalltitta who is waiting for her master to come back. so naturally so we know TGINT is evil he begins to strip Tinytitta
And of course, because we have to show he’s REALLY evil, he tries to rape her. Because you know, if we didn’t have a villain that transparently evil, where would that put us… except you know..maybe in a better show.
But of course at the last second Tony the Tigre shoots TGINT’s hand from like 400 ALSINS (there you fucking happy now show?) away.
Bengal Tigre then tells Notalottatitta to jump from the balcony and with the power or the wind, saves her. Then as they’re talking ANOTHER MOTHER FUCKING RANDOM ASSASSIN SHOWS UP and tries to shoot Tinytitta. so he FUCKING CATCHES THE ARROW BECAUSE HE HEARS IT.
no NO NO NO FUCK YOU NO!
THAT IS BULLSHIT! I do not care if he’s an excellent archer. you do not FUCKING CATCH ARROWS FROM SOUND AND KNOW WHEN AND WHERE TO CATCH THEM. FUCK YOU.
NO! i DO NOT CARE if you say “oh look he hurt his hand saving her!” NO! FUCK YOU! THAT IS BULLSHIT!
Know what? No. Tinytitta’s dead. From now on I will call her the ghost of titta. Because she’s dead. Because i call bullshit. In fact, here’s what happened.
There. fuck you. She’s dead. And that’s where the episode ends. with her dying.
Do you REALLY want my thoughts on this show? Really? If you don’t know it by now i’ll spell it out for you. I. FUCKING. HATE. THIS. SHOW. Every character is asinine, overpowered, boring idiots, the villain doesn’t make any sense, the nudity looks gross, for being an ecchi there isn’t even THAT MUCH nudity, every single fucking person wants to jump on Tigre’s dick, no one knows what a prisoner is, and they use dragons just to basically STAND THERE AND LOOK BADASS BUT NOT DO ANYTHING. I can’t even get over how fucking broken this guy is.
At one point in the episode she’s like “If you think you can win against an army by yourself, you’re crazy.” But you know what? I fucking bet this overpowered douche COULD beat an army by himself. Because the writing is that pitiful. Not to mention how easily this guy is okay with turning over his whole fucking country.
Oh yeah that’s right. The PRISONER asks if he can run her army to save his kingdom. And all he asks in return is that when Elen takes it over is that she treats the people fairly. To which she agrees.
HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW SHE’S TELLING THE TRUTH YOU STUPID FUCK! Do you have a copy of the script handy? oh no wait. you have your dick in everyone’s mouth. FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR COUNTRY I HOPE IT GETS RAPED BY DRAGONS WHO – OH WAIT WON’T DO ANYTHING BECAUSE THEY’RE THERE FOR DECORATION!
FUCK YOU.
Episode 2/10.
-Hideki
Hahahaha, I really like your reviews about this show, but I have to say that you are pretty masochist for watching something that you hate, haha. I have read some of the novels and I end up having the same problem with Vanadis that I have with other adaptations like Highschool DxD. It seems like the producers/director always decide to go with cheap animation and useless ecchi.
The novels are by no means spectacular, but are fun to read and describe a little better why Elen and Lim trust Tigre by this time, but yeah the real reason they help him is because they want to bone him, an he asked Elen for help because the king wasn’t going to stop the attack and other nobles will not help because they think that a noble that only can use a bow is pathetic.
The two great nobles of the country are mischievous assholes, in fact they have some kind of arrangement between them that when they attack a town they use the fisrt day to pillage, rape and do whatever they want. The reason they don’t attack temples is because the are many ‘religions’ and ‘gods’ in Brune because some of the poblation is formed by of inmigrants and people from diferent origins, and some of the temples have relics (OP relics) and followers. And well, the Vanadis are strong but can be killed, so they are not so awesome.
In summary the novels, as almost always have a little better description of the things and tries to explain the ‘tactics’ they are goin to use, AKA terrain, weather, formations and yeah how everybody wants to f**k Tigre, but I also find entertaining your reviews, so good luck with this because I pretty sure this is not going to improve.
Lol, as I said in my first review, I do not care if the source material is better XD. But thanks!