Madan no Ou to Vanadis Episode 1 (First Impression)

Well everyone, I have to apologize. Remember when i said in the preview that this show would probably be so bad it would be hilarious? Well I was wrong.  It is NOT so bad it’s funny. It is SO BAD that it goes to so bad it’s funny, then comes BACK to being so bad it’s bad. Then it takes a dump on that, and becomes so bad it creates a wormhole that absorbs the goodness of other things.  And i didn’t like it.

Why you may ask? Well of course I’ll explain myself.

The episode opens up with a random chick on a horse saying to a dude in red hair. “Now i own you.” and no sadly it’s not the start of a hentai. However i don’t think even porn could save this show.

The opening credits crawl by as we are greeted with a flashback. Because why the fuck not. we’re only 15 seconds in, but sure. flashbacks are always neat.

We see the red haired guy see a bunch of dead people around him because a battle just took place. Apparently no one is alive because he’s super special mcawesome pants. One random soldier pops up, screams something as he charges at the main guy, but gets taken down by one of his super accurate arrows.

A minute later he comes across the super powerful extra special awesome war maiden. he kills some of their horses with his amazing arrowing, but then superwoman…i mean the war maiden comes at him by….and i’m not joking, making her horse fly.

She swats away his arrows and by the time she gets to him, he’s out of arrows, capturing him. Oh, oh i didn’t tell you the best part though. He didn’t LOOK to see how many arrows he had left, he fucking FLICKED THE SIDE OF HIS QUIVER TO LISTEN TO HOW MANY HE HAD LEFT

It turns out our hero’s name is (sigh) Tigre as he has ANOTHER FLASHBACK where he’s back at his camp. But due to his shabby looking clothes, all the other people there make fun of him. While, and i’m not joking. 3 guys literally just sit, drink, and spout random exposition for about a minute.

The douchebag guy teases him, then Tigre wakes up with a sword in his mouth because I guess that’s how you say good morning in this country.

He’s called to the woman who took him prisoner as she informs him that he is being held random for a troll sum of money (about 3 times the country’s current wealth) so basically she’s just doing that to be a douche. Then she’s like “oh, if they don’t come up with the money in 50 days then i get to keep you. so says our god of contracts.” Dude lady. I think your god would be like “Fuck you bitch you’re trolling them and then rip off your head.” Oh no wait…that’s what I want to do… huh.

Anyway, what she really wants is for her subjects to see how bullshitilly amazing this guy is at shooting arrows. It turns out that some of her guards were messing with him because…well he’s a prisoner. So they replaced a good bow with a shitty one. That of course is when a random fucking assassin shows up. why? i don’t fucking know he just does. So I suppose Tigre thinks the best course of action is to warn the very important person to their army that took him prisoner. She then blows away the arrow with magic.

As her guards go to chase down the bandit he turns to her second in command and goes “Can we not kill the bandit?” and proceeds to shoot him in the foot from 300 meters away

Oh. oh sorry Alsins. Because it’s FUCKING FANTASY and meters or yards are too mundane. I forgot this show was fucking hipster.

Of course, once this guy shoots the bandit in the foot, everybody is now in love with Bella…I mean bullshit mcgee…I mean Tigre.

Elen (the chick who took him prisoner) even goes so far to say that because those three soldiers of hers teased the prisoner, they SHOULD DIE. They didn’t even physically hurt him. They replaced his bow with a shitty one during practice and she says THEY SHOULD DIE. fuck this woman. fuck this show.

To which Tigre basically begs her to let them live. Because you know, the show needs to show us that he’s a virtuous guy that everyone in the world wants to fucking bone. She agrees and now EVERYBODY wants to suck this guy’s dick. Her, her maids, EVEN THE FUCKING GUY now that he saved his life from something stupid.

Elen then lets us in on a secret. She actually wasn’t expecting to get a ransom for him and that wasn’t the point of his capture.

Wait…you’re telling me that his ungodly ransom WASN’T a real ransom? Well hush my mouth and call me Nancy. It turns out she just wanted him. Why? Fuck this show.

She then proceeds to inform him on how she’s this fantastic strategist as she only had 5000 people and his army had 25000 but she still won. This brilliant strategy was actually really just attacking them while they weren’t paying attention and kind of asleep.

She asks if she’s mad that she ended up killing his prince. He says no, so the conversation kind of ends itself there. So she asks if he’ll join her. He says no because he has a little area he owns (because he’s a baron). You know, not because being a traitor bothers him or anything.

We then cut to the next day when he goes to wash himself. You know, I have to give it at least this. almost at the end of the episode and aside from some jiggles, the ecchi’s really been underplayed. I guess they were really going for more of a serious show where-

 

… i’m sorry. what was i saying again? Oh that’s right. i was saying FUCK THIS SHOW.

Finally the episode ends with Tigre’s manservant showing up telling him that his place is under attack to which he tells Elen he has to go save it. End episode.

I….I hate this show. There is nothing good about this show. The art style is generic (even the naked makes elen look like she’s covered in large pimples), the two main characters are ASININELY stupid. One for being an overpowered superdouche, the other being Magical Mcguffin Bullshit lady. NONE of their decisions make sense. From Tigres decision to help save his kidnapper, to her basically making him a guest instead of a prisoner because he can fucking fire an arrow like the dude from Princess Mononoke on bullshit pills.  The moment elen takes him prisoner she wants his dick. There was no in between it was, kidnap, want dick. She wants to KILL HER OWN PEOPLE because they insulted HER PRISONER. I….I don’t even with this show. I hate it with every fiber of my being.

It’s frustrating, ridiculous, and BORING. dear god is it boring. It’s like they didn’t know what to do with it. They wanted to make it serious, but also once in a while throw in ecchi. You are not fucking Game of Thrones and you never will be.

This show can go suck the biggest AIDS dick there is. And you know what? I think i’m going to continue blogging about it just so you can all know how much dick this sucks. That’s how much I hate you show. FUCK YOU.

Watching: (stabs show with fork) FINE

Blogging: (glares at show) I fucking hate you. and the world needs to know. Yes.

P.s. I do not care if the source material was better.

-Hideki