Gifuu Doudou! Kanetsugu to Keiji ep: 1 [First Impressions]

I hope you like history because as we all know, Samurai recite history verbatim to one another to reiterate stories they should already know! 😀

I cannot emphasize to you the boring of the first 6 minutes of this show. I was kind of forgiving at first because hey, actiony show, right? That means no long dialogues and bullshit. That ain’t true man. Very first thing in the show is samurai theory but that’s fine, what bothers me is they then cut to explaining the story to each other and I’m like FRIENDS DON’T TALK LIKE THIS?? JUST HAVE A NARRATOR DO IT? Don’t stilt the dialogue with your shitty, shitty writing? AND WHY AREN’T YOU ALL FIGHTING RIGHT NOW?

Lol, we continue onto the story and I am amused because they give kanji lessons with samurai theory and then they explain ‘Uwanariuchi’ which is a fight between women when a man remarries within a month of divorce. Basically the first wife is like OH FUCK NO and takes her crew to beat the shit out of the second wife, to which the second wife goes HELLLL NOOOO

Look at these bitches. THEY ARE READY TO THROW DOWN. “SHIT DON’T INSULT MY HONOR” my apologies for the bitch comment. I’m sure it’s perfectly reasonable to beat the shit out of a woman you don’t like for taking your husband, who is a total coward anyway, away from you. I like how notoriously slutty they make the second wife look? Like she looks like she’s from Queen’s Blade with this get up. I get that it’s about honor and righteousness, but can we be for real here?

Look at her she’s hanging out everywhere I’m just like, wow, uhm, charicature old naggy wife and hot slut wife much? WHERE’S THE DIGNITY AND HONOR IN MAKING THEM LOOK LIKE A WHINEY NAG AND A BITCH HO?

We are 12 minutes in and all we’ve got are still screenshots of a potential fight. I AINT PLEASED WITH THIS. I PICKED THIS UP FOR SOME SHEER BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF PEOPLE TIMEs, so during one of the flashbacks we learn of a guy who’s helping with the bitch fight(WHO IS KEIJI BECAUSE THIS IS A FLASHBACK I THINK) and it’s shown through shooting an arrow that becomes a tiger because metaphors and Kanetsugu and blah blah they go to the red light district over musings and Kanetsugu touches flower petals and they fade into magical pink dust this really happens I’m not just blahing you

 

You bore me show. I picked you up for bitch fights and destruction. DESTRUCTION I SAY. HOW DARE YOU HAVE AN ART STYLE SIMILAR TO FIST OF THE NORTH STAR IF YOU ARENT GOING TO BLOW UP PEOPLE’S HEADS IN THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES. WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS. AND ALL THE BOOBS IN THIS SHOW ARE THE SAME. DON’T YOU KNOW I CAN’T GET AROUSED UNLESS THE BOOBS ARE SHINEY AND ON GIRLS WITH ABNORMAL HAIR COLORS? GOD SERIOUSLY. Sorry for bringing you into this, God.

Seriously these boobs are depressing and they’d be hot in real life cause oooh cleavage but this is just like HAY WE’RE A SHOW FOR OLDER PEOPLE AND shut up and GIMME MY ACTION AND SWORDS BLOWING UP SHIT! WHY AM I NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE NICE THINGS?! THEN THEY PLAY….A GUITAR LIKE STRING INSTRUMENT AND I AM NOT JAPANESE OR CULTURED SO I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS

BUT THEY PLAY IT

AND THEY PLAY IT

AND THEN THEY DECIDE TO HAVE THE WHORE HOUSE RAIDED BY PEOPLE BUT THEN THE GUY USES HIS TIGER POWERS WITH HIS SAKE but it’s not even cool it’s just a flash of a tiger. IF I WANTED TO SEE TIGERS EAT PEOPLE I WOULD WATCH SHOWS ABOUT TIGERS WHY WOULD I WANT TO SEE YOU USE SAKE AND SWORDS AS FIGURATIVE ANIMALS IF I AM WATCHING YOUR SAMURAI SHOW I DONT GET IT WHAT

I JUST WHY DOES THIS OCCUR AND THEN THERE IS NO MORE FIGHTING JUST JAPANESE MUSIC AND BORING STUFF AND THE PROSTITUTES LOOKING COY AND I’M LIKE BUT I DONT NEED PROSTITUTES THEY AREN’T EVEN INTERESTING LOOKING AND THEN I DECIDED TO DROP THIS BECAUSE I HAVE CAPS LOCKED WAY TOO MUCH FOR ONE EPISODE

Unless one of you really wants to see me comment on SAKE TIGERS and BORING BOOBS and BEEFY NECKS then this show is

DROPPED

Oki