You know, I originally started out thinking this show was okay. Now all it’s doing is proceeding to piss me off and more and more as I realize just how much of a generic piece of crap it is. What do I mean by that? Well let me go over what happens in this episode with you and you’ll understand.

All right. So the episode starts up with everyone realizing Mo-tan’s gone. Then Mo-tan shows up ala Obi-wan spirit style and tells Nya-tan that the way to defeat Chu-tan is with her love.

Also something about having to go to the Dagobah system
Also something about having to go to the Dagobah system

No..I did not make that up. He has to defeat her with her love.

Mmm! Tastes like contrived!

Then Mo-tan disappears as she’s supposedly gone forever. Okay yeah. I’ll believe it at the end of next episode when the series is over.Before she leaves though she gives Nya-tan some kind of energy and Nya-an then passes out.

It really is amazing how much just LOOKING at her pisses me off
It really is amazing how much just LOOKING at her pisses me off

We learn that this energy from Nya-tan was to help jump start her memory, meaning that her Etotama is repairing itself and she’ll have her memories back.

Wait..wait a second. You mean the entire plot we’ve had up till now was about Nya-tan getting her memory back..could have been fixed with Mo-tan just fucking doing that? th…WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T THEY DO THAT IN EPISODE ONE?! And no, they don’t explain it, they’re just like “fuck, she needs her memories back and we only have 1 more episode left. Fuck it. there.” So yeah. Thanks to the magical power of sunshine and farts, Nya-tan will have her memories when she wakes up.

But of course Takeru’s a little fuck tit and is like ” But when she wakes up with her memories, will she remember me?” What the– FUCK YOU DUDE. Apparently her having these memories is so incredibly important to the survival of the zodiac and Japan that the gods will reign fucking havoc everywhere, and you’re worried if useless fuck will remember you? Oh go fuck yourself.

But...what about MY needs!
But…what about MY needs!

So not only does the power of Mo-tan help facilitate her magical recovery, but also on top of that, that thing she did last episode? Yeah. It was a binding on Chu-tan’s sol/lull to calm her down because…guess what? The reason she’s an asshole is because her power is out of control and is corrupted. That’s right. Being a murderer is not her fault guys, we get to blame corrupted Sol/Lull. Because as I said in the title, taking responsibility for your actions is for PUSSIES. So of course, everyone deems that they have to help save Chu-tan. And…I’m not going to lie, the sheep, who’s usually one of the smarter characters, has the stupidest fucking idea I’ve ever heard.

I wonder if they still accept "evil sol/lull" as a defense in court..
I wonder if they still accept “evil sol/lull” as a defense in court..

Okay, so the problem with Chu-tan’s sol/lull is that it turns all the sol/lull she gets into negative energy. So her plan is to give her ALL the sol/lull from the remaining 10 Eto-shin to overload her and reset her sol/lull to good like a switch.

Either this plan is to talk to the hand or a big bang attack. Either way i'm okay with this
Either this plan is to talk to the hand or a big bang attack. Either way i’m okay with this

CAN ANYONE ELSE SEE A PROBLEM WITH THIS PLAN?

It’s like “Oh shit! This evil chick has so much power! I know! Let’s give her MORE power because that will make her good!” I just….I haven’t heard of a plan this stupid since Goku gave Cell a senzu bean.

So guess fucking what? The plan doesn’t work? OH SHIT REALLY? Yeah, the plan of giving her a lot of sol/lull backfires when she..you know, just becomes more powerful and evil. Because…you know…I never could have seen THAT coming.

One thing I’ve neglected to mention in this rant of a review is that interspersed throughout this episode has been flashbacks back when Chu-tan and Nya-tan were buddies. And get this. Apparently Nya-tan was very powerful back then, but she opted not to be in the race because she didn’t feel like doing it. Not because Chu-tan tricked her.

Oh, and if you’re wondering if Nya-tan’s any less of an idiotic asshole WITH her memories? ….nope. She’s still an idiot.

Would it have been such a crime to have Piyo-tan star as the main character?
Would it have been such a crime to have Piyo-tan star as the main character?

The rest of the Eto-shin basically state how she would be a terrible Eto-shin because she’s flaky and can’t be trusted to stay in one place at once.

So realistically, the only reason why Nya-tan isn’t a member of the zodiac is because she’s a selfish asshole who likes to run off and play by her own rules and do her own shit, taking her power and using it for what she deems worthy other than helping humanity in this organized group. I think there’s two words I have for you Nya-tan. I believe they’re “FUCK YOU”

So anyway, finally Nya-tan wakes up and she has her memories but still remembers Takeru. Oh boy. I was so worried. I was so worried she would forget Takeru. I hope you can feel the sincerity through my text. In case you can’t, I am speaking these words in my head in the voice of Ben Stein.

And because Nya-tan’s the super fucking magical fairy of bullshit when she arrives, she has the sol/lull to wake everyone up and the dragon lady goes “oh, you got your memories back, fuck it. here’s my sol/lull seal.” No, I’m not joking. She just gives her her seal because “Fuck it.” That’s the only reason they give. “Fuck it.” And as Chu-tan and Nya-tan are about to fight, the episode ends.

welp, you didn't do jack or shit to earn it, but here you anyway
welp, you didn’t do jack or shit to earn it, but here you anyway

Seriously. Fuck this episode. This was one of the stupidest, most contrived ways they could set up the ending. “Oh, she’s not really a bad person, but only the main character through the power of love can save her! What’s that? Oh, Takeru has feelings for her now, even though there’s no reason why he should and she’s fucking retarded.”

This whole episode disgusted me. It’s like “Oh, hey, I know there’s 10 eto-shin here. But you’re not the main character. So you all suck.”

NYA-TAN IS A HORRIBLE MAIN CHARACTER! She’s not endearing, funny, interesting, cute, or ANYTHING positive. She’s a selfish, idiotic asshole who does anything she wants and yet is treated by half the zodiac like she’s the greatest thing since fucking sliced bread.

The fact that they set up this whole “Only Nya-tan can save with the power of love” thing disgusts me. It’s so painful I just..I don’t even. Thank sweet jesus there’s only one episode left. I just…..fuck this episode.

Episode 1.5/10

-Hideki