Shingeki no Kyojin ep 17: attack on DAT ASS

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This week shit finally happens because apparently suspense needs to be an hour. But hey, why am I complaining, I got the full package of onset Titan horror this week. No joke guys, most of this week was SHIT HUMANITY CAN’T BELIEVE IN THINGS EVER. Those poor fucking bastards who are new recruits. Any other year, a few might die, but this fucking year? NOPE, FEMININE TITAN BRINGS AND ARMY AND KILLS A TON OF THEM. And who do we have to blame? Fucking Eren.

ALSO THIS GUY DIED BUT HAHA everyone dies in this show

ALSO THIS GUY DIED BUT HAHA everyone dies in this show

 

THANKS ERIN, THE HORRIBLY MAIMED BODIES OF THE RIGHT RECON SQUAD SAY AS THEY ARE EATEN ALIVE….AND BLIND….WELL AT LEAST THEY DON’T HAVE TO SEE THE SHIT EREN DID INSIDE OF A TITAN’S STOMACH. THAT WAS LIKE…. TERROR INDUCING AND I DO NOT SAY THIS AS A GIRL WITH TERRIBLE NIGHTMARES OF TITAN’S EATING HER!!! Shit guys, do you see the terrible shit happening within minutes of this episode? Well, good, because I was too busy going ‘Man this titan kicks ass and looks way too4familiar”

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eh?

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eehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh???

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COME ON THIS LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE DAMN ANIME YOU SURE MADE HER…..NOT SUBTLY INTO SOMEONE WE KNOW BUT HEY IT’S PROBABLY A COINCIDENCE NO FUCKING WAY RIGHT?

Right?. . . .

Right. . .  . . . right?

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OBVIOUSLY IT’S ARMIN’S LONG LOST MOTHER! Shit guys, we’re in for some emotional shit around here. I don’t even know, just look at how blue eyed and blonde haired she is. THERE IS LITERALLY NO ONE ELSE IN THIS SHOW WITH THESE FEATURES! Damn, so Armin’s mom really became a titan and ate his dad. YEAH I’M SURE THIS IS WHERE THE SHOW IS GOING

Surprised she’d keep the titan thing a secret given that she could obviously punish the shit out of Armin with this.

DID YOU BRUSH YOUR FUCKING TEETH ARMIN?

DON'T MAKE MOMMY EAT YOU

DON’T MAKE MOMMY EAT YOU

In any case, the reason I don’t have much else to say is simple. In a typical Attack on Titan fashion the episode drags out an arc and we have about 5 minutes of the feminine titan running along as Jean, Reiner, and Armin follow her on horseback. I SHIT YOU NOT, WE GET TO STARE AT HER ASS FOR LIKE 5 MINUTES! The first few minutes was genuinely quick and breath taking, but I guess they didn’t want too much content in the span of one episode? I mean, good for the show, since now I doubt manga fans will….ever. . . .miss. . . . anything….they wanted to see.

on a side note, jean just met her, and this is crazy, but here's his 3-d gear, don't eat him maybe?

on a side note, jean just met her, and this is crazy, but here’s his 3-d gear, don’t eat him maybe?

Next week I believe it will just be a continuation of fighting, but let’s be for real here- I am fine with five minute horse rides if you just give me fighting and shit to look forward to. FIGHT SCENES, TITANS, TITANS DYING, my god that giant baby abherant. OKAY ITS MORE LIKE A TODDLER BUT GUYS YOU DONT UNDERSTAND IT JUST WALKED SO STRANGELY I JUST

CAN MIKASA ALSO BE IN NEXT EPISODE??

CAN MIKASA ALSO BE IN NEXT EPISODE??

Maybe next week, we’ll have Mikasa be a badass. Cause that shit is cool. And Levi. Levi and Mikasa having a fight off similar to Legolas and Gimli but to win Erin’s heart in a competition. IT COULD WORK, THEY TAKE DOWN AN ENTIRE ARMY SOLELY FOR MY AMUSEMENT…OR EREN…..OR SOMETHING I DON’T KNOW MAN. I just want to pretend Levi has a dwarf beard and Mikasa is an elven princess-. . . prince. I said prince.

In any case, see you next week as we tremble at the might of the Feminine Titan and her sweet ass yet again.

Oki

Oki

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