Derp Zone: The Mysteries of Japanese Anime

My mind cannot comprehend this... No matter how many times I look at it.

You know, I’ve been watching anime for a long time now. Enough, that I can start considering myself a fan. Sometimes, however, I really wonder what the hell is wrong with Japan. I mean, some things in anime are just plain wrong. Whether it’s complete overexaggeration or simple mindfuck, there are so many things that confuse me way too much when I watch anime shows. Nosebleeds, boobs and overly powerful punches, here I come, because I will find out your truth! Or attempt to, anyways.

 

Intriguing facial expressions

We’ve all seen them. We’ve all laughed at them. Personally, I tend to make a collection of them in my Pictures folder. I mean, come on, when producers show you this:

or this:

is it possible to do anything else other than laugh? These overexaggerated facial expressions are always what makes the best of comedy shows and stupid moments. They’re one of the main reasons why I watch anime. Although, I do wonder from time to time how the hell Japan came up with these. I can understand that you want to show the surprise on the character, but how did “eyes slightly getting bigger out of surprise” become THIS:

I thought there was a limit to everything. In Japan, apparently there isn’t.

…Seriously, WTF Japan?

 

Impossible Movements

This category can be so vague, yet so specific… I mean, going from extraordinary displacement methods to just plain weird ass…things like this:

I’ve seen a lot of anime, and there are a few things I simply can’t get over. I mean, it usually happens in regular shows too, not fantasy shows, not supernatural shows… I’ll be watching a nice, “realistic” high school shoujo romance there’s a limit as to how realistic those can be, when all of a sudden-

This happens.

Someone explain to me what the fuck that is, and how it came to be. Because I seriously don’t comprehend what the hell happened here, and how Japan came up with things like this. Yes, I do find it funny. I really do. But WHAT THE HELL?!?! My newly-found scientific brain doesn’t agree with the biology involved in this scene AT ALL! Also, while I’m at it, shall I explain how ridiculous it is to go 100 miles an hour and to catch up to a racing car with a bike?!?! Helloooo, this. Is. IMPOSSIBLE. Wtf Japan. Why so mysterious.

I don’t buy it. This is just retarded.

 

Invincible bodies

I think this one’s my favourite. I simply love this mysterious japanese power, if only for the fact that it makes my small violent fits fulfilled and happy for a while. No matter how strong a person is hit, no matter how much they get hit, no matter how normal and weak they look, the victims who get their bodies trashed will always come back alive and well in a few seconds. Slapstick shows like MM! will always amaze me as to how much some guys tolerate being punched. And they aren’t small punches either.

I mean, that looks terribly painful to me...

That too...

There are also a few other scenes I have witnessed over time throughout anime, notably Beelzebub’s consistent Oga-zapping to a point where it kinda became a sport and yet he gets knocked out by a few punches from a big guy… He must be faking it!, and add to that a few of Inami’s deadly punches that will kill anyone but Takanashi in Working!!, and you can start wondering what the hell is wrong with Japan.

Or you could watch this GIF for hours on end while wondering said question...

Finally, this category also implies shounens. Have you ever noticed that main characters never seem to die? They get disintegrated, they fight for days, they almost kill each other, they have punches that can destroy castles in one blow, but they never die! In fact, they rarely ever get any permanent injuries. Somehow, my scientific brain doesn’t agree with the biology of this either. Even more so when a girl comes in and knocks them out with one punch.

Sense: It doesn't have to make to.

 

Nosebleeds

P.S.: Wtf is wrong with the rocket girl?

I’m pretty sure we all know that one. Any person who has a decent culture in anime-watching will know what I mean when I say nosebleeds aren’t normal in Japan. First, I’d like to point out that having your nose bleed when seeing something that makes you fantasize is totally and completely unproven scientifically. In fact, there was never any scientific proof that it could happen. If that’s the case… WHERE THE HELL DOES IT COME FROM?!?!?! After many wonderings, I came across this on the ANN website: “It’s a long-standing Japanese folk belief that a nosebleed may signify sexual thoughts or arousal.” So apparently, this is all an urban legend. Now, would Japan please explain to me WTF IS WRONG WITH THEIR URBAN LEGENDS?!?! I think Mythbusters would have way too much fun if they were to move to Japan. Seriously.

Moreover, what’s with the abundance? I can understand small nosebleeds, but this…

Or this…

When it goes to the point where you can drown in your own blood, I’m a little worried. And a little scared. It’s not normal O___O.

 

Boobs

Finally, I’d like to go over this crazy point that was what made me want to start writing this post. Boobies. Yes, I’m sick of them. They annoy me. They’re everywhere and they ruin good plots. But I must admit, sometimes they look so ridiculous that I can’t help but laugh.

First of all, anime boobs are huge. Like, HUMONGOUS. to a point where the girl would probably weigh 20 pounds less if she didn’t have boobs.They also move on their own accord. Hey, look, a new girl? Let’s over-emphasize her already-humongous-enough-that-we-can-see-them lumps and make them shake without having the girl budge an inch, BECAUSE THAT TOTALLY MAKES SENSE!!!

I don't accept this.

Another thing I’d like to point out is how much anime boobs tend to attract light. They. Fucking. Shine. Someone, PLEASE, explain to me how the hell that is possible. We girls don’t polish our boobs. We don’t put varnish on them. We don’t put glitter on them well, I’m sure other girls could counter that with one-time experiences, but that’s beside the point. And they’re not so attractive as to have inanimate objects like lighting to be attracted to them and to constantly shine on them. SHINY BOOBS ARE ABNORMAL!!! Seriously. WTF.

And finally, FINALLY, someone explain to me the jello consistency?

Side note: the shine is also very awkward on this one...


I mean, that’s just disgusting. I don’t believe anyone would ever find that attractive. I’m not a guy, but if I was one I wouldn’t want to be afraid of losing my arm in a girl’s boobs when touching them. I can understand that Japan may like big boobs because Japanese women apparently don’t have much point not verified though, but I think going this far-fetched in drawing boobies is just wrong.

 

Well, there you have it. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this, I personally enjoyed writing it because there were a lot of things in there I was very intent on ranting about sooner or later. Any other suggestions of things in japanese anime that are simply retarded? I might do a Part 2 on this if I’ve got enough ideas!

Animes used: One Piece, Skip Beat, Eiken, Manyuu Hikenchou, Rio: Rainbow Gate, Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge, MM! Oreimo, Lovely Complex, Toriko, The World Only God Knows + 2 unknowns (the first 2 GIFs are from animes I haven’t heard about)

Myst

Behold! I am Myst, the phantom blogger. You can sometimes see me, but most often than not, I disappear quickly and you realize it was all an illusion... Or was it?

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6 Responses

  1. K-Al says:

    Cannot unsee the last few images. ;A;

  2. anon says:

    The first gif remembers me of One Piece.
    Luffy’s gear second.
    What anime is it from?

    • Myst says:

      OMG HAHAHAHAHA I CAN TOTALLY SEE IT!!! XD Unfortunately this GIF is one of the only ones I have no idea what anime it is from…

  3. ZeroG says:

    According to statistic, Asians in general have breast way smaller than average, I do believe the average over there is A.

    Also, the reason why the boobs shine so much is because they are so big that their gravitational field traps light inside, the light can then only escape when it ricochet on the boobs, therefore creating the intense lighting

  4. Myst says:

    …Gravitational fields huh… Because that totally makes sense.